Making Summertime, Sweet Pea, Cedarwood Patchouli and Lavender Mint. What a delicious day, what a bright cool morning filled with chirping crickets and bird song. I never knew hummingbirds chirped until yesterday; a rather friendly female rubythroat was sampling my zinnias and just hovered–for about 10 seconds–about three feet eye level in front of me. Maybe she thought that I was a huge flower!
I’m kind of amazed right now thinking that my Dad has become one of the Ancestors. I can’t believe that he is gone. It’s so hard to say Good-bye to one of your parents. I feel a gamut of emotions–sadness, gratefulness for his quick and painless death (We should all be so lucky. He had what the ancient Celts would call “a good death”.) guilt for not being a better daughter. I really wish that I had let him in….in my head, moreso in my heart. I wish that I would have showed that I cared more. I always felt that I had to live up to some ideal and often felt that I constantly fell short of that ideal. I always felt like I was on “company manners”. I wish that I had really let him know me–the good, the bad, the ugly. It’s all part of being human. Rarely do we let people know us this well for great fear of rejection. But your parents….you know, they will always love you and you always seem to get through the muddy stuff. Always.
What-is-God; help me to learn, once again, how to open my heart to those whom I really should, and to fearlessly love.